The Duggars... A testimony of Christ?

Ecclesiastes 7:20 

Surely there is not a righteous man on earth who does good and never sins.

1 John 1:8 If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us.

Seeing some of the posts towards the Duggar family has literally brought me to tears... What Josh Duggar did is heartbreaking but the hatred that people are putting towards the Duggar girls right now is also heartbreaking. My prayer is that they are staying away from social media right now so that they don't have to feel worse about what happened to them. As if it wasn't hard enough having to deal with this 12 years ago they are now having to relive it in a hurtful way. What Josh did is inexcusable. NOT UNFORGIVABLE.  

Proverbs 28:13 

Whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy.

He confessed his sins and asked for forgiveness. His victims as well as the Lord have forgiven him and he has changed and become a better person because of it. I look at this as his testimony of how he came to truly know Christs forgiveness, grace, and love. A testimony to how they grew as a family and grew closer to God. A testimony of how God can forgive even the most inexcusable sins. 

God doesn't just forgive sins like anger, lying, and stealing... He forgives murder, adultery, and rape. This is a testament to how only CHRIST can change a persons heart through his total love and grace towards that person. Parents may do everything they can to raise up Godly children (and I believe we should) but at the end of the day God has to be the one to change the heart.  

Ephesians 2:8 For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God.

We are all born into sin. We are all born DEAD to sin and it is not until we become born again that we even have the power of the Holy Spirit to flee it. Josh has shown that after God changed his heart, he became a new person. 

2 Corinthians 5:17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.

He has changed since this time. All because of Christ. 

God can change anyone. I'm thankful he changed me and my wretched heart. I'm thankful he forgave and still forgives me of my sins. This doesn't mean that my sins were ok. It's quite opposite. They were inexcusable. Like Josh's. But only a God as big as king Jesus can take the inexcusable and transform him or her into a new creature -- all for His glory. What a testimony of Gods power to restore love in such a hard situation. I look at this and rather than seeing hate and wanting to judge. I SEE CHRIST. I SEE HIS POWER. HIS GLORY. HIS PRESENCE. HIS GRACE. I support the Duggars and I will be a vessel of encouragement to my brothers and sisters in Christ in their time of pain. We are called to love the sinner not the sin and that is what I will do. After all, my family loves me even when I mess up. I don't know what I would do without that love and support. So I will pass it on. The Duggars have never claimed to be perfect or to have all the answers or to be better than anyone -- and they aren't. They are human. We all are. We all make mistakes in our lives. We either learn from them and change our ways (by Gods grace) or we continue in them and play victim. I see that Josh Duggar has learned from his mistake and that he is a child of God. He changed his life and that's an awesome testimony. If we didn't have sin why would we need a savior? We all have sin and are all in DESPERATE need of a savior. And when you experience that saviors unfailing love and forgiveness.... It changes you! 

Some people have a testimony of drug abuse and God taking them away from that. Some are strippers and God changes their hearts and brings them away from that. Some sleep around and have all sorts of sexual immorality and God changes them and they flee that life. Some people have murdered and God came into their lives and changed them. Some commit adultery. Some are lingerie models who are causing lust and porn addiction... And God changes their heart and shows them a path of life vs the path of destruction they were on. The common denominator is GOD CHANGES. No matter who we are/were or what we have done. GOD IS BIGGER. AND THAT IS WHAT I SEE HERE. 

Hate my detestable sin but don't hate me.

The truth is... I used to live a life that was detestable

I used to live a life indulging my desires, rationalizing why what I was doing was ok and normal yet the more I read the Bible, God convicted me of my decisions...

But men fell into pornography addiction over the type of things I did. My pictures have been and are still being used for sexually immoral things. Children and women felt pressures about their body image because of the types of images that were photoshopped and taken of me and my own marriage was harmed in many ways because I was not respecting or loving my husband the way I should have been. 

The truth is there are still things in my life and heart that are detestable and God is working those things out in me... Creating in me a new heart. Sanctifying me through His word.  There's no denying that I have done some pretty detestable things that in no way brought glory and honor to God. 

There was a time when I thought I was doing good. When I saw nothing wrong with these acts and when I probably would have taken offense to anyone who told me that I was going against scripture with the way I lived my life. I probably would have felt they hated me or were jealous of me when in reality they would have just been speaking truth to me. 

I'm thankful that those around me for the most part did not hate me while I did these things even though they may have hated the sin. Even though I could have been harming their marriage or aiding in their temptations. I'm thankful that they still loved me but I do wish more people would call it for what it is. SIN. Sexual Immorality. Impure. Ungodly. The things I was doing were all of these things and more.

I remember vividly when my pastor said what will you do when the word of God crosses over with your lifestyle or earthly desires? Will you conform to His word and obey Him with what He commands or will you dismiss what the bible even says and go on justifying the things you are doing? Justifying can seem to be the easy road but in the long run is much more harmful. If you continue to live according to your own will, rather than Gods you can see where your love truly lies. In yourself. You must love the thing you are doing more than you love pleasing God and living by His word and commandments.

Our ego wants to defend itself all the time.... If you are defensive about it it will get in the way of your growth.

 I'm so thankful God changed my heart in this and convicted me in the way I needed to be convicted. I'm thankful he showed me in His love that I was being detestable and that I deserved his justifiable wrath but that He loved me enough to save me from my sins through His son. That I could repent and change my life and strive to live according to His word with His grace and help. I'm worse than I've ever imagined myself to believe and i'm more accepted in Christ than i could ever possibly be.

I am no different than you regardless of your past or your sins or struggles. Our sins are all deserving of wrath and we are hopeless and dead to them without Jesus coming in and taking our place and dying on the cross for us. We can find hope in Him. I don't hate people for their sins. But I do hate sin. Especially in my own life and I need to surrender to God daily and am in constant need of his saving grace. I will be honest and say that I do struggle with wanting to hate people for doing detestable sexual things to children. That is a struggle of mine. But I am learning to hate the sin and not the sinner. Because I know that Christ has excuses the inexcusable in me and can do the same for others. 

His Word revealed truth and set me free from my prior harmful thinking and way of life...It's the power of His word that transforms our thinking to be Godly.

Fifty Shades of Grey

I want to take a moment to strongly encourage you not to watch the movie fifty shades of grey. I believe it will be destructive and corrupt to your heart... 

I will tell you up front that I don't know a lot about the movie or the book. In fact every time the trailer has been shown I've looked away so I haven't even seen the whole thing. I haven't read any excerpts from the book and I haven't asked anyone who has read it what it was about. But I know enough about it to know that I don't want to have have any of the images or "fantasies" that it creates to be in my mind. If a movie that is based mostly on sex and sexual content is promoted as "provoking " women's fantasies then I know that it is a destructive movie for any female to watch- Married, single, old, or young- No woman will come out of that theater a better person with a stronger marriage or more confidence then before she filled her mind with that garbage. 

Our minds retain a lot. && watching other people have sex and be involved in erotic behavior will definitely plague your mind && your heart. It is rated R for GRAPHIC NUDITY! My husband and I have made a choice not to watch sex scenes or nudity because we don't want images of others in our minds. Watching other people in intimate situations does not raise ones confidence or create more intimacy in your own life. We want to be as pure as we can be for each other and to honor God. If fantasies are provoked by watching another man or woman have sex ... will they be fantasies about your husband or fantasies about this grey guy or how your husband could be more like him? What will you be thinking of when you are intimate with your husband or future husband when you have all of these fantasies and images flashing through your mind? 

Enough about my opinion...We are given very good counsel when we are told to keep impurity from us. Let's see the opinion of who really matter- God.

Romans 1:24 
Therefore God gave them over in the lusts of their hearts to impurity, so that their bodies would be dishonored among them

Their bodies were "dishonored". They were lusting after impurity. 

Matthew 5:28
but I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

Will you be lusting after greys naked body as you watch him partake in sex acts?

Galatians 5:19-21
Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.

Jude 1:7
Just as Sodom and Gomorrah and the surrounding cities, which likewise indulged in sexual immorality and pursued unnatural desire, serve as an example by undergoing a punishment of eternal fire.

I believe that the things you will see and the fantasies of erotic acts is an UNNATURAL DESIRE.

Ephesians 5:3
But sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints.

Philippians 4:8
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

FILL YOUR MIND WITH PURE THINGS... Not impure things like you will see in Fifty Shades of Grey. 

Proverbs 4:23
Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life.

We must protect our hearts!!! It is so important. 

Colossians 3:2-5
Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ who is your life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory. Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry.

Set your mind on things above. Fifty shades of Grey and it's erotic sex scenes and impure relations between the two characters is not GODLY.  Put to DEATH sexual immortality && impurity. That's hat this movie is promoting!

Please please don't fill your minds and hearts with this impure ungodly worldly nonsense. Yes I will call it for what it is. DESTRUCTIVE. Its out to kill steal and destroy... Marriages, views on relationships and sex before marriage and much more. The question is - will you let it?

Sent from my iPhone

What is getting in your way of growing in Christ?

One of the biggest things that stands in the way of whether or not you are growing in Christ or growing away from Christ.... Is you. 

I had never attended church until the age of 15 and that is when I became a believer in Christ. I got baptized at 16 and I was on fire for The Lord and attended church every Sunday. I was so passionate about learning more, growing in Him and becoming a better person... But a lot of things changed...

I believe the reason that so many people grow away from God after once proclaiming His name and and putting their faith in Him is because their idols get in the way. They become friends with the world and they become less concerned with how god views them and more concerned with how their peers view them. I believe people get too caught up in their goals and dreams and their lives that they lose sight of the prize. We get too wrapped up in ourselves...

This doesn't mean we are to live miserable lives. It means that we need to love Him more than life itself. We need to have his word as a guide over everything that we do and especially over our goals and decisions in  life. 

He needs to be number one. And this is where our idols get in the way. One of gods commandments is that we shall have no other gods before him. This can be just about anything. Whatever you love more than God is something you are making a God in your life. It is your idol.  So some people put a family member in place of God... A spouse, boyfriend, a friend, a pet. Or maybe a job... Or our own life goals. Facebook. Or even their college...

Whatever it may be. We are called to love God above and beyond any of these things. BC when he's not number one in our hearts we are off balance. And it is easier to fall into temptation and easier to give into sin, and those things do not lead to fruitfulness. He deserves our complete love because God demonstrated his own love for us in that While we were still sinners, Christ died for us!  

Most people think that I was not a Christian when I was modeling lingerie and working for VS and posing for men's magazines. Most think I got saved and then left the modeling industry... But like I said earlier I became a believer at 15... I began modeling at the age of 14 and I left home at 16 to pursue my dream of modeling full time in NYC. I was a Christian while I did all if those things that were definitely conflicting with scripture.. Things like drinking underage at the VS fashion show, posing topless at the age of 17... When I dressed provocatively and posed in men's magazines and purposely tried to get attention from men. When I posted tons of selfies on social media sites to try and get attention. When I flirted with other men while I was married... Yes I was a Christian during it all. But I had veered away from living my life for Christ...

I  was living my life for my own personal dreams... Not the dreams God had for my life. My own glory, not spreading Gods glory. I was selfish not selfless. I was living for my own idol, not for the one true God. I was living in a way that the world promoted. Not in the way that the bible called me to live. I was friends with the world... And I was on a path towards destruction, not a path of life.


Modeling was my God and it was hindering my relationship with Christ. It was blinding me from the light. When you love something so much, everything you do revolves around it. You will lie for it, compromise for it, change for it... I made a lot of compromises to get to the top in my career.... Weight loss.... Posing provocatively, changing the way I acted.  I was willing to do a lot of things to achieve my dream if becoming a VS model. And the more you compromise, the more you fall into destruction.... I made modeling and my career and my fame my life. 

I wasn't doing anything for Gods glory. It was all for my own glory. I only cared what people in the world thought of me. I wanted them to tell me I was beautiful and famous. I wanted to be liked...

Well I definitely wasn't showing people Christ by the way I lived my life... . I spent so much time trying to make it to the top because the world told me thats what i should do to be happy but once I was at the top I still found that I was searching for happiness and none of it was truly satisfying. 

So shortly after becoming a vs model I looked to God for answers. I thought that I was supposed to have a good job, lots of money,  and success and live a prosperous life as a Christian but when I gained all of those things I still had no fulfillment...

So God showed me that I was living for myself and living for my dreams rather than for Him and the life He had for me. 
I was not serving Him.... 

I was leading girls into eating disorders, men into temptation, causing destruction....
I was not being a good wife to my husband. 

I was not taking up my cross and following Him... My cross was on the floor hidden underneath pillows and blankets! 

I needed to begin to deny myself and my goals and my life and follow God and trust that His plans were better than mine!  

He promises fulfillment, and security. He promises restoration and unconditional love... He promises that He sees us as beautiful. All these things I was searching for could only be found in living for Him and putting Him first... So I needed to cut out the thing that was taking me away from Him.. My idol... My modeling career. It was the thing I kept sinning for and falling into temptation for. So I made the decision to give up modeling. And stop trying to get attention and fame. I gave it all up so that I could glorify Him and live my life for Him alone. And what I found was... 

All of his promises were true! I stand here today totally changed. I had left home with big plans for my life...plans that pulled me away from Him and he showed me that his plans far surpass mine! I've never been happier than I am when I am making God number one in my life... So I encourage you to examine your hearts.
Are your plans guided by scripture?Have you  trusted in God for your future? Everything is better when we trust In God.... Everything is better for our lives when He is number one, my prayer for you is that you will stay strong in His word and hav Him on your heart at all times so you do not get sucked into everything this crazy world entices you with because none of the worlds promises even compare to Gods. 

You can read more about my story in my book I'm No Angel 

Romans 12:1

Therefore I urge you, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship.

Matthew 19:21

Jesus said to him, "If you wish to be complete, go and sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow Me."

Hair tutorial: Victoria's Secret hair

Doing your hair is a great way to bring attention away from your body and to your face instead! 
I enjoy trying new hairstyles and I get asked a lot to share how I do my hair so here it goes :)

Big Victoria's Secret hair. 

If you are like me and have super straight ahair then this hair tutorial will be great for you if you want to change it up and get huge curly hair!  This is how my hair (above) was fixed for the VS fashion show when I was in it but I had TONS of hair extensions in and this (below) is my natural hair now. So many girls asked how to get their hair like mine was in the show though so this is how it was done! 

Start with just out if the shower hair!

1. Start with a texturizing spray. My favorite to use is a beachy salt spray. Like aquage sea salt spray. 
2. Volume your roots! Use your favorite whether its a mousse or a spray. Whatever works best for your hair. I've tried a lot and some don't work as well in my texture hair than what does for others. So pick your favorite and apply to the roots. 

3. Blow dry your hair. No need to use a round brush or anything since you will be curling it. 

4. Pin up all your hair but the bottom layers. Start at the bottom. The size of curling iron or wand you use is super important to get this type of curl. I always thought to get this type of curl I would use a medium iron but the iron to use is really small. You will use a 3/4" iron or wand. I used my NuMe Titan 3 curling wand in the 3/4". 
The NuMe curling wand is by far my favorite thing to use to curl my hair. It works really well and holds the curl great! I got mine on a huge discount by googling a coupon for it. I prefer wands over irons because you can get closer to your roots. If you only have an iron then leave the clamp closed and wrap your hair down it like you would a wand. I took really small sections of my hair to curl... The smaller the sections, the more curls you will get. Start at the roots and spiral your hair down the wand until you get to the bottom. Hold it for a few seconds or however long you need with your particular iron or wand. The Nume gets up to 200 degrees so I only hold it for 1 second. Continue around your head changing the direction of the curl as you go. After you are done with the bottom take another layer of hair down and curl it... Continue to do this until you have made it to the top layer of your hair. Once you are at the top you will want to start curling away from your face. So when you get to the top layer on each side of your face you will wrap the hair away from your face around the iron. When I do the top of my hair I curl even smaller sections than the rest for more volume. 

5. When you are done curling all of your hair flip your head over and lightly most with your favorite hairspray. Aerosols work best in my opinion. 

6. Flip your head back up and part down the middle or to the side. At the VS fashion show they parted it down the middle but I think you should choose whatever works best for your face. 

7. (Optional) if you want the VS hair then brush out your curls. If you want the curls in my other pics then leave your hair. I don't brush mine out the first day and then I do on the 2nd day :)

8. Smile! You are done! I hope you love your curls! 

If you try out this tutorial hashtag a pic of it to me on Instagram or twitter. #imnoangelblog

PS I would highly recommend getting the NuMe 3 Titan wands because they can replace all of your curling irons and they will last forever!! Also the curls are tighter and last longer than with a regular iron. It is worth saving up for or selling some stuff on eBay and getting! It is awesome. If you do don't forget to look up a coupon code! 

New mom must haves

I bought way too much for my baby...
Here is the list of the things I would say I needed.... In the first three months. 

1. Bottles and breastpump. For those who are using formula, bottles are obviously a must. I have only breastfed my baby but since we travel a lot. I posed milk and used a bottle too!

2 blankets!!!!! I got so many blankets as gifts and I thought what in the world will I do with this many blankets! But I used them all.

3. Onesies with mitts. These were crucial the first few months! Babies have sharp nails even when they are trimmed and these keep your cutie from scratching their face off. I didn't use any onesies without mitts the first month. The actual mitts you buy separately just fall off. 

4. Gripe water. This was a lifesaver for me. Babies digestive systems are still maturing when they are under 6 months so its easy for them to get gas or tummy aches. Gripe water is natural and homeopathic and helped baby Jase with tummy troubles on a number of occasions. 

5. (If breastfeeding) a nursing cover... These make nursing in public a breeze

6. Carseat- this is an obvious must because you won't be able to leave the hospital without one. 

7. Baby carrier- I personally use nuroo baby shirt. It has been a life saver for me. Baby Jase wants to cuddle ALL the time. So when I put him in this shirt he feels like he's back in the womb and cuddled up right next to my heartbeat. He falls asleep right away and will sometimes sleep four hours in it. 

8. Nasal aspirator. Yes they have bulb syringes to get boogies out but these work 1,000 times better and are worth the $. We used ours every day and still do. 

9. A sound machine or app. I use the white noise app. Just turn your phone on airplane mode though so radiation is off :) these things are awesome to soothe an anxious or fussy baby. 

10. A diaper bag. Originally I didn't think we really needed one. I figured I could use a purse or backpack but I'm so glad my grandma got me one because it is perfectly designed for baby gear! And it has come in real handy. 

11. Diapers/ wipes- obviously a must have. We use seventh generation because they are chemical free. 

12. Calendula salve... This is amazing!!! We put it on our baby's bottom after ever wet or dirty diaper and he hasn't ever had diaper rash or an irritated bum. 

13. Socks... Baby socks are always needed to keep little feet warm. They fall off easily though and the only ones that stayed on were Carter's brand from target. 

14. The miracle swaddler... It really does work way better than any other type of swaddle blanket. It's the only one ill ever use. Baby Jase no longer cares to be swaddled but in the first few months he slept great in it. 

15. (If breastfeeding) Nipple shield. I use medela contact nipple shield. If you ever are in pain just put that baby on :)

16. Medela sanitizing microwave bags- these are so handy for sanitizing anything and everything. In just two minutes!

17. A place for baby to sleep- I don't agree with letting babies cry it out so this is more of an experimental thing in my opinion. When I was a baby my mom said I slept in my crib right through the night from day one with no crying. If that's your baby I would say keep the crib! If you want your baby closer, a cradle or co sleeper next to the bed works! This is what I tried, but baby Jase wanted to be even closer than that. He wanted to be in bed with us. That's where he was happy so that's where we have him. He's three and a half months now and is in our bed still but he's sleeping up to 8 hours a night now!

18. A baby wash- because babies have sensitive skin it is good to use a natural wash or one designed for babies. We use the same thing we use on our bodies, zum bar soap goats milk. 

These are the essentials for me. But all babies are different. Some babies don't like certain things and others do. 

Here are some things that might come in handy the first few months. A swing, pacifier, stroller, bouncy chair, mobile, burp rags, monitor, to name a few. These weren't essentials for us but they could be for you. 

What were your baby essentials?

First time mom - my fears and excitements

During my pregnancy I had a lot of fear and excitement about becoming a new mom. Here are some of those things and how they turned out now that I actually experienced them:


1. The whole giving birth part- I was nervous about the pain, the intensity, and how it would all turn out. I had a home birth so that meant drugs were not an option for the pain. As it turned out the really intense pain only lasted an hour and a half and I would compare it to the worst migraine I've ever had! So it wasn't half as scary as I imagined. 

2. Breastfeeding- I was fearful of all of the horror stories I had heard about the nipple pain and also about being able to produce enough milk for my baby. As it turned out... The only painful part lasted a couple days and I never got cracked nipples thanks to emu oil! And I started praying early on that God would provide milk for my son and praise The Lord!!! He did and still is! Nursing is awesome and I love it!

3. The long nights of getting up with baby- I am a big sleeper! I can sleep 15 hours a night and be super happy. I get grumpy when I lack sleep and a new mom usually lacks sleep. As it turned out... The first few weeks I napped when my baby napped and then as he got older he began sleeping longer stretches at night. He also sleeps in bed with me so I don't actually have to get up out of bed to feed him. 

4. That I would be bad at it- I didn't know if I would make a good competent mom. I was fearful of doing things right and not knowing what to do. As it turned out..... God really does give us motherly instincts. Raising a newborn baby wasn't nearly as hard as I thought it would be. Gods perfect design made it easy!

5. Having a baby would put stress on my marriage- it is sad to think that so many couples end up divorced within a couple of years of having a baby. Even though my husband and I have an amazing relationship and I know divorce isn't even a thought in our minds, I was worried about stress in our marriage. As it turned out... Having a baby brought us even closer than we ever were before! And while our little guy requires a lot of time and energy my husband and I have not gotten unbalanced with the order of things: God, spouse, then children. I think too many times when a new baby comes along it can be easy to put the little one above your spouse or above God. They are just so cute and easy to love but I think this is where problems start because the bible is clear that when you marry you become on flesh with your spouse and i believe The best way that you can love your kids is to love your husband. Children are always looking for and longing for a stable and secure home which is the product of the husband and wife having God at the center and loving each other like Christ loved the church. That security impacts a child deeply! 


1. Gods gift- the bible says that children are a gift from God and that they are a blessing! As it turned out.... It is so true! Having a little baby has been such a joy and blessing and my husband and I are loving every minute of it and so grateful for the gift God gave us. 

2. Seeing my baby light up when seeing mom or dad- I love seeing babies smile so I couldn't wait to see my little one do it! As it turned out... Baby Jase had his first huge smile on day 5 and it continued from there! He is always smiling now and especially when he sees me or my husband and it truly does warm your heart!

3. Cute baby clothes and stuff- baby stuff is so cute and I was so excited to dress my little baby up in super cute outfits and shoes. As it turned out.... Our little guy ended up mostly wearing onesies all the time. They were just so much easier to change diapers on and stuff than the cuter baby outfits. As for shoes... They constantly fell off. So I found that simple was better!

4. My baby getting to have what I did with my grandparents- one of the main reasons I wanted to have a baby right now was because of my grandparents. I had such an amazing relationship with them and I still do and I wanted my baby to experience that. As it turned out... Baby Jase loves my grandparents and my grandpa was the first person to make him laugh out loud!

5. A boy or a girl- my husband and I decided to wait until our baby was born to find out what God blessed us with. I was so excited to find out! As it turned out- mike delivered out baby and when he came out mike said its baby Jase!! It was do cool not knowing until that exact moment!

What were or are your fears and excitements?